Tag Archives: Muslim Husband & Wife

THE MUSLIM (Etiquettes of Life); Class 10 – ‘Muslim Husband & Wife’

Standard

 

 

THE MUSLIM HUSBANDs & WIFEs

 

 

Choosing a righteous partner and a Righteous parent for your children (When Allah grants you some) 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Marry the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466).

 

Abdullah bin Amr narrated that the Prophet said, ‘The whole world is a provision, and the best provision of the world is the pious woman.’ (Muslim3465)

 

The most important factors for a woman in choosing a husband are his attitude/behaviour and his commitment to religion. Wealth and lineage are secondary matters. The most important thing is that the potential husband should be religious and have a good attitude, because if a man has religious commitment and a good attitude, a woman has nothing to lose: if he keeps her (remains married to her), he will keep her on a reasonable basis, and if he divorces her, he will set her free on a reasonable basis. Moreover, a man who is religious and has a good attitude will be a blessing to her and her children, for they will learn good manners and religion from him.

 

Marriage Is an Act of Worship

Marriage is Allah’s Favor on us. Life is tough without enjoyment. One of the main objectives of marriage is the preservation and continuation of the human race. Such an objective is encouraged by instinct and the processes of nature for the procreation of the human species.

 

The legal basis for marriage, prior to scholarly consensus and the Sunnah is such Qur’anic verses as,

({[And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.)} [Al-Rum: 21]

{It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell2 with her (in love).} [AI-A`raf: 189]

 

Simple Wedding

The Muslim should strive to have a simple wedding and also avoid all the sins that are prevalent in the society during wedding parties. They say it is just one day so it is ok but how about we look at it like, “It is one day which will shape my future so how about we obey Allah and ask for His blessings instead of enjoying that night and risking the Wrath of the Almighty.”

 

Etiquette of Intimate Relations

Among the important matters which should be paid attention to when engaging in intimate relations:

Having the sincere intention of doing this thing only for the sake of Allaah. One should intend to do this to protect oneself from doing haraam things, to increase the numbers of the Muslim ummah so as to raise its status, for there is honour and pride in large numbers. It should be known that one will be rewarded for this action, even if he finds immediate pleasure and enjoyment in it. It was reported from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “In the sexual intercourse of any one of you there is reward”. They said, O Mesenger of Allaah, when any one of us fulfils his desire, will he have a reward for that? He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you not see that if he were to do it in a haraam manner, he would be punished for that? So if he does it in a halaal manner, he will be rewarded.” (Narrated by Muslim, 720).

 

This is the great bounty of Allaah towards this Ummah; praise be to Allaah Who has made us among them.

  1. Intercourse should be preceded by kind words, playfulness and kisses. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to play with his wives and kiss them.
  2. When a man has intercourse with his wife, he should say: “BISMILLAH, ALLAHUMMA JANNIBNAA AL-SHAYTAAN WA JANNIB AL-SHAYTAAN MAA RAZQTANAA (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah Keep us away from the Shaytaan and keep the Shaytaan away from what You bestow on us (our children)).” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: If Allaah decrees that they should have a child, the Shaytaan will never harm him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/187)
  3. It is permissible for the husband to have intercourse with his wife in her vagina in whatever manner he wishes, from behind or from the front, on the condition that it is in her vagina, which is the place from which a child is born.
  4. It is not permissible for the husband under any circumstances whatsoever to have intercourse with his wife in her back passage.
  5. If a man has intercourse with his wife and wants to come back to her a second time, he should do wudoo’, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any one of you has intercourse with his wife then wants to repeat it, let him do wudoo’ between the two (actions), for it is more energizing for the second time.” (Narrated by Muslim, 1/171). This is mustahabb (recommended), not waajib (obligatory); if he is able to do ghusl between the two actions, this is better, because of the hadeeth of Abu Raafi’ who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went around his wives one day and did ghusl in this one’s house and in this one’s house. He (Abu Raafi’) said: I said to him, O Messenger of Allaah, why do you not do one ghusl? He said, “This is cleaner and better and purer.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and al-Nasaa’i, 1/79)
  6. It is forbidden to have intercourse with a woman when she is menstruating (having her period).
  7. It is permissible for the husband to withdraw (‘azl) if he does not want to have a child; by the same token it is permissible for him to use condoms – if his wife gives her permission, because she has the right to pleasure and to children. But it is better not to do any of that, for several reasons, including the fact that it deprives the woman of pleasure or reduces the pleasure for her; and that it cancels out one of the purposes of marriage, which is to increase the number of offspring, as mentioned above.
  8. It is forbidden for both spouses to spread the secrets of what happens between them in their private marital life; indeed, this is one of the most evil things.

 

One or both of the spouses have to do ghusl in the following situations:

  1. When the “two circumcised parts” meet. This ghusl is obligatory whether ejaculation takes place or not. The touching of the circumcised parts means that the glans or tip of the penis penetrates the vagina; it does not mean mere touching.
  2. Emission of semen, even if the two circumcised parts do not touch.
  3. It is permissible for the husband and wife to do ghusl together in one place, even if he sees her and she sees him.
  4. It is permissible for a person who has to make ghusl to sleep and delay the ghusl until before the time of prayer, but it is definitely mustahabb for him to do wudoo’ before sleeping.

 

Matrimonial Rights

  • If the husband goes away for over six months, and his wife demands his return, he must return if he can afford it, but if he refuses, separation would ensue upon her request.
  • It is unlawful to keep two wives in one home, unless they agree to this arrangement.
  • The husband has the right of preventing his wife from going Out without his permission. He also has the right of preventing her from accepting employment of any type of work.
  • It is permissible for the Muslim to marry four women provided he maintains fairness in treating them as regards to maintenance, clothes, food, and shelter, and the like. If he fears being unfair, it becomes unlawful for him to marry more than one.
  • If the husband does not pray, it becomes unlawful for the wife to keep his company, for neglecting prayer is an act of kufr, or disbelief. And due to the rule: ‘No guardianship of a disbeliever over a Muslim woman. If she neglects prayer, she must be divorced if she does not repent to Allah.

 

It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that “…when he S.A.W. had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068)

 

 

A Muslim Husband Should

1. Treat your wife well in life. Discharge your obligations towards her with a liberal heart sad adopt a favourable and self sacrificing attitude in every matter concerning your wife.

 

2. Entertain a good opinion about your wife as far as possible and adopt an attitude of politeness, toleration and magnanimity for the sake of amicable living with her. If she lacks beauty of face or person or is deficient in good manners, morality, good sense or skill in household affairs, bear these faults with patience. Look to her virtues and maintain a harmonious relationship by means of generosity, liberality of mind and self-sacrifice.

“No believer should hate his pious wife. [f he dislikes one habit of his wife, it is possible he may like bar for some other aspects of her character”.

 

3. Adopt an attitude of forgiveness and kindness; Forget all the faults of omission, stupid actions and disobedient attitude of your wife. The woman is deficient and weak in wisdom and commonsense and bears an extremely passionate temperament. Hence try to bring her round with patience, calmness, kindness, affection and devotion. Try to get along with her with patience and restraint.

 

4. Treat your wife politely and show love and affection to her. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has affirmed:

“The believers who possess perfect faith are those who display the best manners, and. the best among you are those who treat their wives in the best possible manner”.

 

5. Make liberal provisions for all the needs of your wife and do not stint in expenses. Feel a sense of pleasure and comfort in spending your lawful earnings on members of your family. You owe an obligation to your wife to provide her with food and clothing and to struggle energetically, in order to earn enough money to discharge this obligation, is the most pleasant duty of a husband. The performance of this duty with an open and cheerful heart earns for the believer the reward of a happy marital life in this world and a favourable recompense and bounty in the world to Co me. The Holy Préphet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has affirmed: spend a dinar in the way of Allah; you spend another dinar to ransom a slave; you give away one dinar as alms to a beggar; and there is one dinar which you spend on your family. Among all these, the dinar that will earn the best reward and blessings of God is the one which you have spent on you family”. (Muslim)

 

6. Teach your wife the rules and manners enjoined by religion Let her observe Islamic morality and make her life graceful. Make every possible effort to train and rnonld her according to the Islamic pattern of life so that she may prove to be a good wife, good mother and a pious devotee of God and may discharge her duties as a wife efficiently and faithfully.

 

7. Be equal and fair to co-wives.

 

8. It is Sunnah for a husband to sport with his wife, show respect and kindness to her, look after her needs, and endure her shortcomings patiently.

 

9. Not harming one’s wife. This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one’s wife.

 

 

A WIFE SHOULD

1. Obey your husband with a willing heart and feel pleasure and satisfaction in being faithful to him. This is what God commands a wife to do and the believing woman who acts according to the will of Allah wins His Favour.

 

2. Protect your honour and chastity. Keep away from all matters or activities which contain a possible threat to violate your honour or chastity. This is what God commands and it is also an essential prerequisite for making your marital life happy and pleasant. No amount of devotion and obedience of the wife can win the heart of her husband if the seeds of Suspicion about her infidelity are once sown in his mind. Even an ordinary act of carelessness on wife’s part may prompt the devil to fill the heart of her husband with indelible doubts and Suspicions. Hence keeping in view this human weakness, exercise utmost vigilance in such matters.

 

3. Do not go out of the house without leave or permission of your husband. Do not call at homes of which your husband disapproves, nor admit anyone into your house whom your husband dislikes.

 

4. It should be your permanent concern to make your husband happy by your words, actions, behaviour and manners. This is not only the real secret of a successful marriage, but a means to win the favour of Allah and admittance into Paradise.

The Holy Prophet (peace and blessrngs of Allah be upon him) has affirmed:

“The woman who dies in such a state that her husband was entirely satisfied and in concord with her, will certainly enter Paradise”. (Tirmidhi)

 

5. Love your husband and value his companionship. Re is the adornment of your life, your life’s support and a great companion and helper in the course of your life. Give thanks to God for this great Bounty and value this Bounty too with all your heart and soul.

 

6. Acknowledge the debt of gratitude you owe to your husband and remain grateful to him. Your greatest benefactor is your husband who is always concerned with making you happy, providing for your needs and feels Satisfied when he has made all provisions for your comfort.

 

7. Feel happy in doing service to your husband and afford maximum comfort to him at the expense of your own inconvenience. Devote yourself to his welfare in all matters and by means of this sincere service capture the deep affections of his heart.

 

8. Safeguard the home, property and goods of your husband. After marriage consider the husband’s borne as your own and spend the wealth of your husband wisely and economically on the adornment of your homes on the enhancement of the prestige of your husband and on securing a better future for your children: Consider the advancement and prosperity of your husband as your own personal achievements.

 

9. Observe cleanliness, manage your household affairs wisely and look after the decoration and furnishing of your homes. Keep your house clean. Arrange everything tidily and use things with proper care and skill.

 

10. Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives her some time – two or three days, if she asks for that – to sort herself out, because that is something that she needs, and because that is not too long and is customary.

If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shar’i excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)

 

 

The Nushoose (Disobedience)

  • If a woman shows signs of disobedience to her husband, such as refusing to allow him to enjoy her, or to respond to him reluctantly, or disdainfully, her husband may exhort her, and try to draw fear of Allah in her. If she insists on disobeying him, he may forsake her in bed as long as he wishes. If she insists on her attitude, he may beat her, but not severely.
  • If both spouses claim that he or she is treated unfairly, the judge may send an arbitrator from the man’s side, and an arbitrator from the wife’s side so that the two would decide what is best for the couple; either separation or reunion.
  • It is unlawful for the wife to beautify herself to other than her husband. On the other hand, it is commended for the two spouses to beautify themselves for each other. Allah, the Exalted, says: And they (the wives) have rights over them (the husbands) just as they (the husbands) over them, with moderation.’
  • The legal hijab is obligatory on every Muslimah.
  • The woman must wear the hijab in the presence of her brothers-in-law, her male paternal and maternal cousins because they are not her mahaarim.

 

NOTE: – The sisters who has a doubt on things are shy to put it up here please inbox my wife InshaAllah we will respond their and copy paste the answers here without the names for others to learn as well InshaAllah.

 

MrsLearn Islam

http://www.facebook.com/bouabidaa91

bouabidaa91@gmail.com